Reflections: A Soulful Relationship

As I was browsing my e-mail, Ate Raine posted this story as she shared it with the others. I was so struck with this story for I believe this is very important for us who are looking for a relationship or having a relationship now or planning to get married.

I also wanted to share this to everyone who would be able to read this blog. This is very inspiring and an eye opener as well.

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A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP
*by Rev. Ronald McFadden

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married,
share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let
lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low
self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and
don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as
faults aren't really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,
you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing
bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations,
emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two
unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life
together.

Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you
bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you
bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't
take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone
love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the
ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship!
Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in
a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?

Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household
tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily
exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note.)
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I was so inspired with this story. It brings me back to realizations on my past relationships. I told a few of my friends that the reason for our breakup was my obsession to her. That I see as a very stringent factor that left me blinded for several months.

Having a partner in a relationship is not that easy. It is adjusting to the person who you chose to be with or commit yourself to love exclusively. Yes, we think that it was that easy, as I also thought it was. It is accepting the the wholeness of the person--the nice things and the not-so-nice things about that person.

Opening our eyes makes us evaluate the relationship objectively. Yes, i know. I was guilty of this love-is-blind or shall i say love-makes-you-blind. I was blinded by the different facts. But hey, that was the past.

The important thing now is that I was able to learn a lot from that relationship. Having said that, I believe that i am more ready to have another relationship. I could not turn the past back like "Sana Maulit Muli" with Poknat and Bokbok. Hehehe. But there is still a bright tomorrow ahead of me.

Who? When? Where? How? It's just a matter of faith